Character Sketch - Allen Carr with a Twist

Hopefully by now; you have seen a few of my typical Character Sketches. They are usually nicely laid out, formatted, etc.  But what happens when you are working on the voice for that character and he takes over.  I began writing this voice exercise, but then the character took over and began telling me his story.  

Today is May 24, 2014, Kerri Bloodstone and Allen Carr met in 1999; she was 5, he was 7. In May 2009 Allen graduated high school and joined the Marines. Later that same month, Kerri's mom killed herself. Kerri blamed herself at first, but she found the suicide note from her Mother. It explained that she was unsatisfied with Kerri's father, David Bloodstone. Finishing the note with the line "Today's as good a day to die, as any." Those words burned into Kerri's mind even as she burned the letter. Furious with her father an anxious to leave home, she tested out of high school at the tender age of 16 and began college the winter of 2009. She studied Psychology and Computer Programming, being a genius and achieving perfect grades and becoming an accomplished hacker. May 2010 Kerri meets and moves in with her new best friend Skyler Langdon. 
September 2011 Allen is injured in Afghanistan. He was shot in the leg and forced to use a tourniquet to save himself, knowing that the blood circulation would most likely result in an amputation. In October 2011 he is flown to a hospital in Washington DC. By August 2012 he learning to walk again. 
May 2013 Kerri, age 19, gets her bachelors degrees in psychology and computer programming. Beginning her masters program immediately. That same month Allen runs his first 2K race. 
February of 2014 Allen competes in his 2nd warrior games and wins the bronze metal in the 800 meter race. 
May of 2014 Book begins with Kerri notified of her father, David Bloodstone's, suicide.

Allen's Story

The following are notes written by Allen Carr.
These are not a diary of events, but an attempt to explain and come to grips with what happened to me.
I am not an author, and I can't say that my grammar is the best, but hopefully, you'll find my story entertaining and enlightening.

My name is Allen Carr, I'm 24 years old. I was born and raised in Anoka, MN, my mother disappeared with I was 6, I currently live with my dad, Mike. We both work at Bloodstone winery.

My story begins at 23:00, September 2011.

The day was like any other. My team and I had just returned from our third mission. We were exhausted. The day's objective was to clear the village of Zahar. Zahar was a small farming town with about 300 people and less than 50 were known to be Taliban sympathizers. The problem with this mission is the insurgents had set up shop in the homes and buildings surrounding the village.

It was my first tour and I had been selected to join one of the elite Marine Force Recon teams, a group of Marines tasked with reconnaissance, counter-terrorism, and deep recon operations.

Our job was to go in before the rest of the 1st Special Forces Operational Detachment-Delta (1st SFOD-D) or what we affectionately called Delta, the "Unit", could arrive and clear the village. This would be a cake walk, or so I thought.

My job was to act as point man for the team and I had been doing this for a couple of months without incident.

As we were exiting the Humvee I felt the first shot ping off my helmet, but it was just a warning shot. I looked over to my friend and partner, Specialist Robert Hicks. He was smiling and laughing.

"What are you smiling at? Did you see that shot, it nearly took off my head!"

"You have got to get better reflexes."

"You think I want to end up like that guy we saw in the desert last week, missing a leg and half his face."

"Nope, not that," Robert said, "but the other end."

I started laughing. Robert was the only one that could calm me down before a fight.

"Let's get this done."

We quickly cleared the buildings on the west side of the village, then the south, and east, then moved in on the last two. As I stepped into the room, I could see the shadow of the insurgent running to the back of the house. I yelled for the others and we stormed the building. I ran through the house as fast as I could. By the time I got to the room, the guy had grabbed his gun, but it was too late.

I put two bullets in his chest, then one between his eyes. I watched as his brains splattered against the wall.
Robert walked up behind me and said, "Wow, that was a lot of blood, you okay?"

I just shook my head and walked out of the house.

When we were done, I took a quick look around, and the bodies, or parts of them, were everywhere. There were women, children, and men, all dead. Most killed by us.

We had been told that they were all Taliban supporters. But how could you kill a child, even if they were supporting the enemy?

That night we returned to base, and the next morning, we were sent out again. This was the life of a Marine. We slept when we could and lived on the adrenaline.

Our new mission was a bit more intense. We had been ordered to clear the area around a small town that was suspected of harboring insurgents. We had to move through the woods and hills surrounding the town to avoid detection.

We reached our target area without incident and set up a surveillance post to observe the town. After a couple of days of watching the town, it became apparent that the town was not harboring anyone, the people there were just trying to live their lives.

I knew we should be pulled out, but our orders were to watch the town for three days. I kept hoping we would get new orders, but they never came.

After a week, I could no longer stand by and do nothing. I had to get the people out of the town before the insurgents came.

I told my team what I wanted to do, and they agreed. We decided to sneak into the town at night and try to evacuate the people.

We entered the town, and the people were all asleep. We started waking them up, and they were scared and confused. We told them to be quiet and get ready to leave. We then escorted them out of the town and hid them in the hills.

When we were done, the town was empty, and we returned to our observation post. As I took my position I was hit by sniper fire in the leg. My unit opened fire and took out the sniper. I placed a tourniquet on my leg and awaited medivac. The rescue took a lot longer than anticipated and I lost my leg due to loss of circulation. 

I was transported back to the states, and then to Walter Reed Army Medical Center in DC.

I woke up the next morning. The doctor had removed my leg, and I was lying in a bed in a large room with a dozen other soldiers. The Rehab was hard. The doctors were tough, but they were right. I had to keep pushing myself. After a month of rehab, I could walk again, with a prosthetic leg and crutches.

A week later, I was told that my team had been ambushed and killed while escorting a group of villagers out of a dangerous area.

I felt the rage building inside me. I knew I had to do something.

I started going to the gym every day. I was determined to get stronger. I wanted to get back to the fight.
After six months of rehab, I was able to walk without crutches, and I was able to run a mile without stopping.

My commanding officer, Colonel James Sutton, told me that I was no longer fit for combat and that I had been reassigned. I was sent to Camp Pendleton, California, to train new recruits.

My life had changed so much, and I was angry and frustrated. I knew that if I was given the chance, I would have been back on the front lines. When my commission was up, I opted out and returned home. My Dad was a mess. He was in the hospital. The story was he was roughed up because of his gambling. I needed to find out.

When I arrived at the hospital, my father was lying in bed. He had a bandage on his head and a cast on his arm. He looked up at me and smiled.

"Allen, what are you doing here? You should be at Camp Pendleton."

"I got tired of the heat and decided to come home."

"Well, it's good to see you."

"I'm sorry, Dad. I should have been here."

"It's not your fault. You had a job to do."

"I'm home now, and I'll be here for you."

"That's good, but you need to be careful." Mike wanted to confide in Allen but didn't want to look crazy telling his son that a ghost did this to him. Instead, Mike embraced the ridiculous rumor that he had a gambling problem. 

"Yes, tell me what happened."

"I know you can. But these are not the type of people you can fight. They have connections and they won't hesitate to kill you."

"Who did this, Dad?"

"Just promise me you will stay away from them.

"I will."

"Good. Now, let's go home."

The next day, I started looking into my dad's case. I could not find anyone willing to talk about the gambling of my dad, no witnesses at the casino, no one saw the attack. I reached out to my highschool buddy, Rick, who was now Deputy Rick O'Hannon of the Anoka County Sheriff Department.

"Allen, how are you? How's the leg?"

"The leg is good. It's been six months since I got back and I've almost gotten used to the new one."

"So, what's up?"

"I need your help."

"Anything, you know that."
"It's about my dad."
"Mike? What's going on?"
"Someone attacked him and I need to find out who it was."
"Well we all know that he has a gambling problem." Rick hurriedly said, being pre-coached by Mike on what to say as Rick was the only other person there when ghost took Mike out. 
"Really, how did you know that?"
"Uh, well, everyone knows. I mean, he is a regular at the casino."
"Rick, don't lie to me. I can handle the truth. I know you were the one to bring him into the hospital."
"Look, he made me promise not to say anything."
"He did, did he? And what else did he make you promise?"
"I can't say."
"Rick, please.
Eventually my father was released and we settled into a decent routine at the winery. David Bloodstone insisted that I received the very best follow up care for both my leg and my brain. He even bought my first racing blade.
The pain was a constant reminder of what I had lost. Every step I took, every day I lived, was a testament to what I had gone through.
The rage was building inside me. I can't believe Kerri has lived her entire young adult life alone in Chicago. I went to confront David but had to search for him. He wasn't in his office. His brother-in-law, Bryan, said he was at his brooding tree. A single oak standing in the middle of the vineyard.
When I arrived, he was sitting under the tree, smoking a cigar. He was staring at a piece of paper.
"Mr. Bloodstone, may I have a word with you?"
"Now, is not a good time."
"I know, sir. But this is important."
"Okay, what is it?"
"I need some time off."
"For what?"
"I need to go see Kerri."
"Now is not a good time.
"I can't wait."
"You're just a kid."
"I'm a man."
"Let me call her first. I have news I have to share with her." He looked down at the paper again.
"Can I ask you a question?”
"What?"
"Why did you let her go?"
"She's a very special girl."
"She left, she was only 16!"
"I'm her father."
"She lost her mother, you're all she had."
"I know, it wasn't an easy decision, but she hated me, she blamed me. She threatened to kill herself if I didn't let her go. I tried forcing her to counseling but something broke inside her at the psychology hospital."
"Not the Sanitorium!."
"Yes, I had her commited for 30 days. She hates me, she will never forgive me. But she's strong, and she's a genius. I will try again to reach her."
"Why do you keep trying?"
"Because she is my daughter."
"Please, let me talk to her. Let me be the one."
"What? Are you saying you love her?"
"Yes, and if I can just talk to her, I can convince her to come back."
"You can't."
"Let me try."
"No. It has to be me."
So shortly after this conversation David killed himself too. But immediately my Dad felt that it must have been murder.
I started investigating, and eventually found a note, the note David had wrote. I was able to recover it, but not in time.
The rest you already know.
I'm going to finish my investigation and I'm going to find out who killed them.




Here is a brief summary:
- Allen and Kerri have had an interconnected life since childhood in their small Minnesota town 
- Tragedy strikes both their families, with Kerri's mother committing suicide when Kerri is 16, after which Kerri leaves town abruptly 
- Allen joins the marines and loses a leg in Afghanistan a few years later
- After returning home and recovering, Allen tries investigating an attack on his own father 
- He then learns of the apparent suicide of Kerri's father David and suspects deeper foul play, which is where your manuscript seems to pick up
The additional context around Allen losing his leg in combat and investigating his father's case helps explain his motivation to keep looking into David's suspicious death. It also sets up his long unresolved feelings for Kerri spanning their lifetime friendship.
You establish a rich backstory across the ensemble cast that interweaves their histories. This gives greater emotional resonance when Kerri returns home to a friends and a town much changed. There are clearly still secrets left to uncover that explain the bloodstone cult influence lurking below the surface.

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