Chapter 15
​Within the confines of his cramped apartment, Bryan paced, his footsteps echoing against the worn-out wooden floor. His mind churned with a volatile mix of anger and frustration, each emotion leaving a bitter taste in his mouth. His claim to the winery and his rejection weighed on his shoulders.

Mismatched furniture cluttered his tiny apartment, and the floor creaked with every movement. The kitchenette, tucked against one wall, emitted a faint odor of stale food, mingling with the scent of filth that permeated the air. In the back, a small bedroom offered solace, but its cramped quarters only intensified his sense of entrapment. The tiny space overall added to his overwhelming feeling of being imprisoned.

As Bryan glanced out the lone window, a dismal sight - a brick wall devoid of any signs of life greeted him. The sight further reinforced his belief that a man could not endure, let alone thrive, in such a stifling environment. He had been promised power, promised wealth. “Those stupid people from their precious Annui council. They think I don’t know what they are. They think they hold the power, they have no idea how powerful the Nemracki are, how powerful I will be.” Bryan pounded his chest with each word.

After he had been told to kill Sera, his sister. There was nothing he wasn’t willing to do. Then he killed David... Nothing will stand in my way. The Nemracki taught him that power dissipates over time and he must kill again to receive new power. But each killing only brought the same amount of power... he wanted more power, much more power.

Bryan approached his makeshift altar. He chanted under his breath as he lit each candle in turn, he lit the little pile of shavings and hair, releasing a further stench to the room. His small apartment felt even more restrictive now, the anger gnawing at him in the tight quarters of his home; a space that had become both his sanctuary and his prison.

“Kerri,” he scoffed, his voice dripping with bitterness. “She’s got the bloodstone now! That clueless attorney had it this whole time.” Watching the candles, he couldn’t help but pour out his thoughts to the ever-present entity that shared his space. Nothing, there was no response. In fury he rose, pacing back and forth once more.

With a clenched jaw and flared nostrils, he fumbled with a stack of old letters, family photos, and books; remnants of his search for the elusive bloodstone and the power it held. His fingers traced the edge of a heavy book, its spine lined with cryptic symbols, fury spilling out as he realized the futility of his quest.

“I scoured every inch, every secret their lineage held in its grasp,” he raged, his eyes darting around the room like a caged animal. The flickering candlelight cast eerie shadows on the worn-out furniture, amplifying the tension in the air. “Sera, stupid bitch sister... I knew they did not bury her with it,” he muttered, his voice filled with malice. The weight of his desperation pressed against his chest, making it hard to breathe. “I knew that for sure she had it when I killed her. Why didn't I just take it then? How the hell am I going to get it away from Kerri?”

His question filled the room, sworn into the permanence of the stained wooden beams and time-worn bricks of his apartment. Anger and raw desperation bled from his voice as he spoke of his sister Sera. The bloodstone, a hand-crafted pendant, had been the one thing hanging in the balance of his life; his only tether to sanity amidst the chaotic, spiraling world that enclosed him.

“That pendant... It is the key!-- the key to everything I’ve uncovered about the Bloodstones.” his voice cracked, swallowed by the muted walls around him. “You promised it and the winery to me—To me!" His whine echoed through the tiny apartment, bouncing off the lifeless walls, entitlement etched in every syllable.

Fists clenched, eyes burning with an unsettling mix of resolution and regret, he gazed into the nothingness, challenging the entity that held him under its cryptic sway. It all reduced to that tiny artifact, the bloodstone. His legacy, his right, and his curse. “Where are you?” he screamed.

Leaning against the cold windowsill, he vented his frustration to the room, the faint scent of aged books filling his nostrils. With furrowed brows, he concentrated, his mind consumed by the weight of his words. “I’ve exhausted every trick in my arsenal, every ounce of power given,” he pleaded. “But despite it all, it’s not enough, I need power that does not fade, the power of the bloodstone.”

Bryan lit more candles and renewed his ritual in the center of his cramped living room. He drew an athame along this fingertip three times to add his blood to the herbs in the bowl. Then, he carefully prepared the offering, composed of rare seeds, sacred herbs, and his blood. Suspended over a small flame, the ingredients smoked. With every swipe of the athame, he remembered the sacrifices he had made. Lost love, friends, family–all fallen away, sacrificed for a power they could never understand. He thanked the Nemracki for his gift of power and asking for more. Tonight, Bryan would have to kill again. The only way he could replenish his power was to kill again.

The night grew darker as Bryan called out to the Nemracki, intoning ancient words of power, each syllable painted with an echo of reverence and fear. Under the flickering glow, his green eyes glowed with a fevered intensity, the vibrant color almost glowing against his pale skin.

“I beseech you, Nemracki, through blood and flame, through bone and spirit,” Bryan began. The flames danced higher as his voice grew louder, more commanding. His words formed a pact, a multifaceted promise to the entity he served, cemented by another blood offering - another soul given up in the pursuit of power.
Rising from the floor, Bryan extinguished the candles one by one, each one sighing out, expelling curls of smoke that filled the small space with a heavy, almost suffocating aroma. Bryan took a deep breath, inhaling the scent into his lungs, before stepping out of his apartment into the cold, expectant night.

The wind whipped around him, filled with an electric energy. It was almost as if the city had sensed Bryan’s intentions and was holding its breath, waiting for him to strike. Bryan stealthily moved on the pavement, his gloved hands stuffed into his coat pockets.

His soon-to-be next victim lived alone. An elderly man, living on the outskirts of the city. Bryan knew him, not personally, but enough to know that no one would mourn his passing.

He crept into the man’s quiet home unnoticed, a specter in what would be this man’s last night. With a swift and practiced movement, Bryan ended the man’s life just as the sun rose. He left a single, black feather lying on the man’s chest–his sick, signature touch. He knelt and cut off an ear, and a lock of hair, scalp included.

With another soul sacrificed to the Nemracki, Bryan retreated to his apartment. His heart beat wildly in his chest, each thud a reminder of the power pulsating within him. He entered his circle and felt the rush, the suffusion of the new power granted to him. He relit his candles, carefully placing his grotesque trophies into the crucible, and set it on fire once more. The stench of burning flesh and hair filled his apartment and Bryan breathed it in.

But Bryan knew it was never enough. He would always crave more. The air in the room seemed to quiver as the room responded, an eerie echo that vibrated through the otherwise silent apartment. His one-sided conversation would appear insane to any observer, but Bryan knew better. He didn’t waste his words on the still air but directed them toward the power that held his fate in its hands.

“The winery was to be mine,” he growled, his voice filled with frustration as he clenched his fists. The room fell into a heavy silence, the air thick with tension, while the response of the mysterious entity remained elusive. Desperation consumed him, pushing him to the brink, and Bryan resumed his restless pacing, the sound of his footsteps echoing through the room. Then, as if following a predetermined script, the reverberating echo resonated in agreement, sending shivers down his spine.

“You hold the capability, use it,” it commanded, its voice a whisper in his ears. “Move into the Bluff house. It's the only way past their defenses, they must invite you to stay. Blend; watch; observe. It’s the path to what you seek.”
​
The command seemed to quell his turmoil. Nodding, more to himself than the entity, Bryan started planning his move to the Bluff house. This move, he hoped, would be his ticket to the coveted winery and the power it held. Amidst his chaotic emotions, his resolve was the one thing that remained constant. He would go to any extent for the power he desired.

Julia (Vaduva) Carr
47 • Carpathian Mountains and Anoka, MN
1967 Born in 1972 in Romania, grew up in Scotland.
1977 - First Druid Kill at age 9, killed her mother, burning down their house.
1982 - Second Druid Kill at age 10, shot and killed her neighbor.
1985 - Third Druid Kill, age 15, stabbed and killed man attempting to rape her. After leading him on with provocative activities and drunken invitations. 
1985 - visits place in Carpathian Mountains where she was born. Recruited by the Nemracki, she is trained and initiated. 
1985 - Attended Andrews University - Studied antiquities
1986 - Mentored by Drew McCormack - Adjunct Professor - Attempts to seduce him; and failing, this she flees to the States as Drew discovered her ties to the Nemracki.
1990 - USA - tracks down David Bloodstone at a winery convention, drugs him and forces him to impregnate her. 
1991 - Julia Vaduva gives birth to Rick, in a moment of panic and love for her son, she gives him up in the try-cities at a fire station.  Did they have this option then?
1991 - Julia Vaduva Meets Mike Carr at a Casino, they elope right there.
1992 - Gave birth to Allen in 1992
1998 - Disappeared and subsequently declared dead.  
2015 - Assigned to befriend Bryan, by posing as a fellow prisoner in dungeons of Nemracki in Romania. 
2016 - She and Bryan escape and return to Anoka, MN
Role in Story
The seemingly devoted wife of Mike and loving mother to Allen, her true nature lurks beneath a carefully crafted facade.
Befriends Bryan while trapped in the sinister Nemracki dungeon, exploiting his trust to uncover the secrets of his powers.
A sleeper agent for the shadowy Nemracki organization, posing as a fellow prisoner to manipulate Bryan and steal his abilities for their dark purposes.
Goal
To orchestrate a daring escape from the Nemracki's dungeon, using Bryan's trust and powers as her key to freedom.
To maintain her cover within the town and her own family, convincing them of her fabricated victimhood while hiding her true allegiance to the Nemracki.
Her ultimate purpose: to breed an additional Bloodstone heir and turn them to the Nemracki's side, but the identity of this child was lost to her after giving them away years ago.
Physical Description
At 5'7", Julia's slight, wiry frame belies the steely strength within. Her short, graying hair frames sharp, angular features that hint at her cunning nature. Enigmatic tattoos encompass her throat and shoulders, their meanings known only to her. A hidden tattoo rests over her womb, a dark secret etched in ink.


Personality
Manipulative to her core, Julia is a master of exploiting others for her own gain. Narcissistic and always working her own angle, her loyalty extends only to herself and what she can extract from those around her. Trust is a currency she trades in but never truly gives.


Occupation
On the surface, a skilled horse trainer, but her true vocation lies in the shadowy world of the Nemracki.


Habits/Mannerisms
A strict vegetarian, Julia refuses to consume anything that has suffered. Perhaps a twisted reflection of the suffering she inflicts on others.


Background
Born into a long line of witches, Julia's druid powers awakened after she killed her own mother, setting fire to their home in a shocking act of patricide. Unbeknownst to her, this act unleashed the dormant druid heritage within her.
Her newfound abilities drew the attention of the Nemracki, who recruited her to seduce David Bloodstone. From this union, Rick was born, the first pawn in her long game.
Years later, she met and married Mike Carr, giving birth to Allen and establishing her cover within the unsuspecting town.
Internal Conflicts
None. Julia's unshakable certainty in her own righteousness leaves no room for doubt or internal strife. She believes the world owes her everything, and she will stop at nothing to claim it.


External Conflicts
Maintaining her cover and convincing her family and the town of her fabricated victimhood.
Manipulating Bryan and stealing his powers without arousing suspicion.
The looming threat of her true allegiance to the Nemracki being discovered.
The search for the lost Bloodstone heir she gave away years ago.


Notes
Julia's character is defined by her manipulative nature and unwavering selfishness.
Her stolen druid powers and connection to the Nemracki add an layer of supernatural intrigue to her character.
The mystery of the lost Bloodstone heir she gave birth to could be a significant plot point and source of conflict.
Her strict vegetarianism, juxtaposed against her callous manipulation of others, highlights her twisted moral code and adds depth to her character.
​

Need some constructive criticism on your writing to make it publication-ready? As an author, the feedback you receive in those early stages can greatly impact the quality of your manuscript. QtCritique.com provides a streamlined way to get expert input that helps strengthen your writing.

Expedited Critiques From Book Editors
Getting an experienced book editor to review even a chapter or two can be time consuming and expensive. At QtCritique.com you can have portions of your draft novel, article, or nonfiction book critiqued within 24 hours. You'll get the trained eye of veteran editors reviewing your writing and providing constructive language-focused feedback.

Recommendations to Improve Flow, Descriptions, and More 
The editors dig deep into your writing style, character and scene descriptions, pacing, dialogue formatting, and so much more. You'll get specific advice to help enhance flow, add more sensory details where needed, or rework confusing sections in your draft. Whether you need a thorough developmental edit or a quicker line edit, the editors provide impactful suggestions tailored to your manuscript's needs.

Catch Issues Before Submitting to Publishers
QtCritique provides that extra level of scrutiny that can help you identify weaknesses in a manuscript before submitting to publishers or literary agents. This allows you to strengthen your submission package and address blindspots early when revisions are easier to make. Put your best writing forward.        

Get Reader Perspectives Too
Beyond editor critiques, you also have the option to get reader reviews from the site's community. This provides valuable insight into how everyday readers experience your characters, plots, scenes and themes. Since reader engagement is key, gain pointers to help fine tune your manuscript for maximum readability and enjoyment before seeking publication. 

For any writer looking to refine their draft document, leverage the editor expertise and reader feedback available in an easy, expedited process through QtCritique.com. Getting fresh eyes to provide targeted advice early when making writing improvements is easiest can pay dividends.

Nestled along the Rum River about 30 minutes north of Minneapolis-St. Paul lies the historic town of Anoka, Minnesota. Originally established in 1852, Anoka still retains its old-fashioned charm while continuing to modernize. 

One of the first aspects of Anoka that stands out is its designation as the "Halloween Capital of the World." The town celebrates the spooky holiday in a big way each year, hosting parades, contests, dances, and all sorts of spirited events throughout October. Wandering the main street area, you'll find ghostly decor, eerie music, and plenty of fall fun.

Beyond Halloween thrills, Anoka also provides a glimpse into Minnesota's past with well-preserved historical buildings and homes. The Anoka County Historical Society and its campus of pioneering structures offers tours showing what life was like for early European settlers. And along the Rum River, remnants of the lumber and mil industry showcase the big sawmills that drove the town’s economic origins. 

Of course Anoka also offers modern recreational attractions like Goodrich Golf Course and Greenhaven Golf Course for hitting the links, wildlife sanctuaries and nature areas for spotting birds and animals, delightful parks with trails for walking and cycling, plus lively restaurants, cafes, and entertainment hot spots, especially along the River Lane corridor by the Rum River.

With so much tradition, nature, and hospitality packed into this community, Anoka provides a quintessential small-town Minnesota getaway located conveniently within reach of the Twin Cities metro while still embracing its independent spirit.

With its complex history and dual nature as both a historical small town and a growing modern community, Anoka provides the ideal backdrop for the supernatural thriller Bloodstone Legacy. The lingering ghosts of Anoka’s early lumber mills, tragic fires, and periods of hardship and loss parallel protagonist Kerri Bloodstone's attempts to unravel the mystery behind her parents' deaths after she returns home and begins exhibiting unexplained abilities. As Kerri’s fledgling magic awakens supernatural gifts within her, the thin veil between Anoka’s quaint facade and its hidden world of magical secrets she discovers makes this complex setting a character of its own. From the sleepy historic storefronts to the vibrant nightlife along the Rum River, every layer of Anoka conceals clues for Kerri to master her newfound talents in time to stop a string of strange killings and uncover if her father truly took his own life. Just as Anoka celebrates the macabre holiday of Halloween while retaining its Minnesota Nice charm, Kerri must embrace her frightening inheritance as a Bloodstone Witch before an even darker legacy robs more innocent lives.

Hopefully by now; you have seen a few of my typical Character Sketches. They are usually nicely laid out, formatted, etc.  But what happens when you are working on the voice for that character and he takes over.  I began writing this voice exercise, but then the character took over and began telling me his story.  

Today is May 24, 2014, Kerri Bloodstone and Allen Carr met in 1999; she was 5, he was 7. In May 2009 Allen graduated high school and joined the Marines. Later that same month, Kerri's mom killed herself. Kerri blamed herself at first, but she found the suicide note from her Mother. It explained that she was unsatisfied with Kerri's father, David Bloodstone. Finishing the note with the line "Today's as good a day to die, as any." Those words burned into Kerri's mind even as she burned the letter. Furious with her father an anxious to leave home, she tested out of high school at the tender age of 16 and began college the winter of 2009. She studied Psychology and Computer Programming, being a genius and achieving perfect grades and becoming an accomplished hacker. May 2010 Kerri meets and moves in with her new best friend Skyler Langdon. 
September 2011 Allen is injured in Afghanistan. He was shot in the leg and forced to use a tourniquet to save himself, knowing that the blood circulation would most likely result in an amputation. In October 2011 he is flown to a hospital in Washington DC. By August 2012 he learning to walk again. 
May 2013 Kerri, age 19, gets her bachelors degrees in psychology and computer programming. Beginning her masters program immediately. That same month Allen runs his first 2K race. 
February of 2014 Allen competes in his 2nd warrior games and wins the bronze metal in the 800 meter race. 
May of 2014 Book begins with Kerri notified of her father, David Bloodstone's, suicide.

Allen's Story

The following are notes written by Allen Carr.
These are not a diary of events, but an attempt to explain and come to grips with what happened to me.
I am not an author, and I can't say that my grammar is the best, but hopefully, you'll find my story entertaining and enlightening.

My name is Allen Carr, I'm 24 years old. I was born and raised in Anoka, MN, my mother disappeared with I was 6, I currently live with my dad, Mike. We both work at Bloodstone winery.

My story begins at 23:00, September 2011.

The day was like any other. My team and I had just returned from our third mission. We were exhausted. The day's objective was to clear the village of Zahar. Zahar was a small farming town with about 300 people and less than 50 were known to be Taliban sympathizers. The problem with this mission is the insurgents had set up shop in the homes and buildings surrounding the village.

It was my first tour and I had been selected to join one of the elite Marine Force Recon teams, a group of Marines tasked with reconnaissance, counter-terrorism, and deep recon operations.

Our job was to go in before the rest of the 1st Special Forces Operational Detachment-Delta (1st SFOD-D) or what we affectionately called Delta, the "Unit", could arrive and clear the village. This would be a cake walk, or so I thought.

My job was to act as point man for the team and I had been doing this for a couple of months without incident.

As we were exiting the Humvee I felt the first shot ping off my helmet, but it was just a warning shot. I looked over to my friend and partner, Specialist Robert Hicks. He was smiling and laughing.

"What are you smiling at? Did you see that shot, it nearly took off my head!"

"You have got to get better reflexes."

"You think I want to end up like that guy we saw in the desert last week, missing a leg and half his face."

"Nope, not that," Robert said, "but the other end."

I started laughing. Robert was the only one that could calm me down before a fight.

"Let's get this done."

We quickly cleared the buildings on the west side of the village, then the south, and east, then moved in on the last two. As I stepped into the room, I could see the shadow of the insurgent running to the back of the house. I yelled for the others and we stormed the building. I ran through the house as fast as I could. By the time I got to the room, the guy had grabbed his gun, but it was too late.

I put two bullets in his chest, then one between his eyes. I watched as his brains splattered against the wall.
Robert walked up behind me and said, "Wow, that was a lot of blood, you okay?"

I just shook my head and walked out of the house.

When we were done, I took a quick look around, and the bodies, or parts of them, were everywhere. There were women, children, and men, all dead. Most killed by us.

We had been told that they were all Taliban supporters. But how could you kill a child, even if they were supporting the enemy?

That night we returned to base, and the next morning, we were sent out again. This was the life of a Marine. We slept when we could and lived on the adrenaline.

Our new mission was a bit more intense. We had been ordered to clear the area around a small town that was suspected of harboring insurgents. We had to move through the woods and hills surrounding the town to avoid detection.

We reached our target area without incident and set up a surveillance post to observe the town. After a couple of days of watching the town, it became apparent that the town was not harboring anyone, the people there were just trying to live their lives.

I knew we should be pulled out, but our orders were to watch the town for three days. I kept hoping we would get new orders, but they never came.

After a week, I could no longer stand by and do nothing. I had to get the people out of the town before the insurgents came.

I told my team what I wanted to do, and they agreed. We decided to sneak into the town at night and try to evacuate the people.

We entered the town, and the people were all asleep. We started waking them up, and they were scared and confused. We told them to be quiet and get ready to leave. We then escorted them out of the town and hid them in the hills.

When we were done, the town was empty, and we returned to our observation post. As I took my position I was hit by sniper fire in the leg. My unit opened fire and took out the sniper. I placed a tourniquet on my leg and awaited medivac. The rescue took a lot longer than anticipated and I lost my leg due to loss of circulation. 

I was transported back to the states, and then to Walter Reed Army Medical Center in DC.

I woke up the next morning. The doctor had removed my leg, and I was lying in a bed in a large room with a dozen other soldiers. The Rehab was hard. The doctors were tough, but they were right. I had to keep pushing myself. After a month of rehab, I could walk again, with a prosthetic leg and crutches.

A week later, I was told that my team had been ambushed and killed while escorting a group of villagers out of a dangerous area.

I felt the rage building inside me. I knew I had to do something.

I started going to the gym every day. I was determined to get stronger. I wanted to get back to the fight.
After six months of rehab, I was able to walk without crutches, and I was able to run a mile without stopping.

My commanding officer, Colonel James Sutton, told me that I was no longer fit for combat and that I had been reassigned. I was sent to Camp Pendleton, California, to train new recruits.

My life had changed so much, and I was angry and frustrated. I knew that if I was given the chance, I would have been back on the front lines. When my commission was up, I opted out and returned home. My Dad was a mess. He was in the hospital. The story was he was roughed up because of his gambling. I needed to find out.

When I arrived at the hospital, my father was lying in bed. He had a bandage on his head and a cast on his arm. He looked up at me and smiled.

"Allen, what are you doing here? You should be at Camp Pendleton."

"I got tired of the heat and decided to come home."

"Well, it's good to see you."

"I'm sorry, Dad. I should have been here."

"It's not your fault. You had a job to do."

"I'm home now, and I'll be here for you."

"That's good, but you need to be careful." Mike wanted to confide in Allen but didn't want to look crazy telling his son that a ghost did this to him. Instead, Mike embraced the ridiculous rumor that he had a gambling problem. 

"Yes, tell me what happened."

"I know you can. But these are not the type of people you can fight. They have connections and they won't hesitate to kill you."

"Who did this, Dad?"

"Just promise me you will stay away from them.

"I will."

"Good. Now, let's go home."

The next day, I started looking into my dad's case. I could not find anyone willing to talk about the gambling of my dad, no witnesses at the casino, no one saw the attack. I reached out to my highschool buddy, Rick, who was now Deputy Rick O'Hannon of the Anoka County Sheriff Department.

"Allen, how are you? How's the leg?"

"The leg is good. It's been six months since I got back and I've almost gotten used to the new one."

"So, what's up?"

"I need your help."

"Anything, you know that."
"It's about my dad."
"Mike? What's going on?"
"Someone attacked him and I need to find out who it was."
"Well we all know that he has a gambling problem." Rick hurriedly said, being pre-coached by Mike on what to say as Rick was the only other person there when ghost took Mike out. 
"Really, how did you know that?"
"Uh, well, everyone knows. I mean, he is a regular at the casino."
"Rick, don't lie to me. I can handle the truth. I know you were the one to bring him into the hospital."
"Look, he made me promise not to say anything."
"He did, did he? And what else did he make you promise?"
"I can't say."
"Rick, please.
Eventually my father was released and we settled into a decent routine at the winery. David Bloodstone insisted that I received the very best follow up care for both my leg and my brain. He even bought my first racing blade.
The pain was a constant reminder of what I had lost. Every step I took, every day I lived, was a testament to what I had gone through.
The rage was building inside me. I can't believe Kerri has lived her entire young adult life alone in Chicago. I went to confront David but had to search for him. He wasn't in his office. His brother-in-law, Bryan, said he was at his brooding tree. A single oak standing in the middle of the vineyard.
When I arrived, he was sitting under the tree, smoking a cigar. He was staring at a piece of paper.
"Mr. Bloodstone, may I have a word with you?"
"Now, is not a good time."
"I know, sir. But this is important."
"Okay, what is it?"
"I need some time off."
"For what?"
"I need to go see Kerri."
"Now is not a good time.
"I can't wait."
"You're just a kid."
"I'm a man."
"Let me call her first. I have news I have to share with her." He looked down at the paper again.
"Can I ask you a question?”
"What?"
"Why did you let her go?"
"She's a very special girl."
"She left, she was only 16!"
"I'm her father."
"She lost her mother, you're all she had."
"I know, it wasn't an easy decision, but she hated me, she blamed me. She threatened to kill herself if I didn't let her go. I tried forcing her to counseling but something broke inside her at the psychology hospital."
"Not the Sanitorium!."
"Yes, I had her commited for 30 days. She hates me, she will never forgive me. But she's strong, and she's a genius. I will try again to reach her."
"Why do you keep trying?"
"Because she is my daughter."
"Please, let me talk to her. Let me be the one."
"What? Are you saying you love her?"
"Yes, and if I can just talk to her, I can convince her to come back."
"You can't."
"Let me try."
"No. It has to be me."
So shortly after this conversation David killed himself too. But immediately my Dad felt that it must have been murder.
I started investigating, and eventually found a note, the note David had wrote. I was able to recover it, but not in time.
The rest you already know.
I'm going to finish my investigation and I'm going to find out who killed them.




Here is a brief summary:
- Allen and Kerri have had an interconnected life since childhood in their small Minnesota town 
- Tragedy strikes both their families, with Kerri's mother committing suicide when Kerri is 16, after which Kerri leaves town abruptly 
- Allen joins the marines and loses a leg in Afghanistan a few years later
- After returning home and recovering, Allen tries investigating an attack on his own father 
- He then learns of the apparent suicide of Kerri's father David and suspects deeper foul play, which is where your manuscript seems to pick up
The additional context around Allen losing his leg in combat and investigating his father's case helps explain his motivation to keep looking into David's suspicious death. It also sets up his long unresolved feelings for Kerri spanning their lifetime friendship.
You establish a rich backstory across the ensemble cast that interweaves their histories. This gives greater emotional resonance when Kerri returns home to a friends and a town much changed. There are clearly still secrets left to uncover that explain the bloodstone cult influence lurking below the surface.

Creating Compelling Characters: Tips for Writing Character Sketches

When writing fiction, our characters are everything. They connect readers to the story and drive the action forward. Crafting strong, multidimensional characters is key to an engaging story that feels real. Character sketches or profiles are a useful tool for developing characters and keeping track of details about them as you write. Here are some tips:

Get to Know Your Characters 
Treat your characters like people you want to become friends with. Before you start writing them into your story, take some time to get to know them better through character sketches and interviews. What did they dream of being as a child? What are their likes, dislikes, interests, quirks? Details large and small will make them well-rounded and believable.  

Details, Details, Details
As the saying goes, the devil’s in the details. The more specific you can be in your character sketches, the more real your characters will become. Move beyond generic attributes and generalizations. Fill out your character profiles with quirks, backstories, speech patterns, behaviors, interests, desires, fears - anything that makes them unique. 

Go Beyond the Basics
Start your character sketches with the usuals like name, age, physical appearance etc. But don’t stop there. Also consider perspectives and temperaments; personal histories; emotional wounds; dreams and motivations; important people, places or objects in their lives; even astrological signs or MBTI types if that suits your story.  

Get Inside Their Heads
The best character profiles tap into the psychological and emotional landscape of your characters. What singular event shaped who they are? What false beliefs do they hold about themselves or others? How do they handle conflicts, power, trust? Knowing their mental and emotional patterns helps make characters compelling.  

Keep Referring Back
Don’t relegate your character sketches to one-time use. Refer back frequently as you write your first draft. Check if your characters are behaving as outlined. Get to know them even better and see if more distinguishing details emerge that you can add to their profiles. Rich, vibrant characters take time to fully develop. Enjoy unraveling and revealing their unique layers bit by bit.

Writing intriguing, layered characters is a journey full of discovery - for both you and your readers. By using character sketches to map signposts along the way, you can craft characters who leap off the page, pull readers into their lives, and leave lingering, powerful impressions.  

My favorite sources:
The Creative Pen
www.thecreativepenn.com
Matt Bird's The Secret of Story
www.secretsofstory.com

​I hope you find these tips helpful! Let me know in the comments if you have any other character sketch strategies I should try. Happy writing!

Skyler Langdon
24 • NWU and Anoka, MN
Born 1985

Role in Story
Kerri’s Roommate, Best Friend
Backstory - Recruited at 16 out of foster system.  Trained for 2 years in Krav Maga and specialized weapons. 2 years older than Kerri, She was a freshman when Kerri was almost done with her undergraduate degree.  
Graduates with a degree in Business. 

Goal
To protect and help Kerri. Unknown to Kerri is she was assigned to her as body guard by the Annui council.  Kerri thinks Skylers Parents were rich, but the funds come from the council.  
Physical Description
5’9” 120 lbs. Bleached hair, cork screw style
Personality
Almost always laughing
Extremely intelligent and able to judge character and intent swiftly. Completely loyal to Kerri.
Occupation
Student
Secret Body Guard

Habits/Mannerisms
Tossing her hair
Shaking her head
Smirking
Touches her finger to her lips when she is assessing someone.

Background
Grew up in Chicago. Orphan recruited by the Annui to guard Kerri at night and monitor Kerri’s mental state. Unknown to the Annui council, Skyler has psychic abilities to change what someone else is seeing. 

Internal Conflicts
Suffers from wanting to tell Kerri the truth about their friendship.

External Conflicts
Dismissed as inconsequential by her appearance, but she is a weapons and martial arts master.

Notes
Skyler has taken on a bigger role than just best friend to Kerri.  She was in the foster system, and selected to befriend and protect Kerri.  She pretends that her parents left her lots of money, but in fact her funds come from the Annui council.  Rick is instructed to keep an eye on her but does not know why. Its turning out that the council is not as unanimous as first thought. There are factions within the council that disagree with how the council is doing things, such as Maude, when she realized that Bryan had powers, though she didn’t understand where they came from (from killing Ruth), She worked to awaken the powers within Bryan, not realizing that he stumbled into the Nemracki and they were using him.

Back to Skyler, she is a free spirit.  She is kinda like a ying-yang with her dark skin and bleached hair.  She is not strictly heterosexual and not gay.  She prefers the person rather than the gender.  Her pronouns are she, but doesn’t judge when/if someone gets it wrong. She is a chameleon; she can look very much like a girl, stuff her hair under a hat, change her clothes, the way she walks, and she is a boy.  She also has a very flexible voice, medium range, but can raise and lower it like a talented musician.

Her super power is her ability to go unnoticed or take all the notice, which ever she prefers. She is a rare individual who does not care what others think of her, because its all under her control anyway.  She will eventually be revealed to have the psychic ability to affect what people are perceiving.

Character Sketch

Kerri Aiyana Bloodstone 22 •Anoka, MN

Role in Story Graduate of NWU with Masters in Psychology and Bachelors in Psychology and Computer Science. Dog, weimaraner, Raya, mother - dead of suicide years prior, father, dead of suicide 2 weeks prior.
Goal Positive Character Arc To take our very young, insecure, fearful and accident prone Kerri and watch her morph into a young woman with confidence, poise, and acceptance of her incredible talents and abilities. Love and acceptance of Molly
​ Fall in love with Allen again.

Physical Description Lead's Physical Features Tall, lean, athletic. Green eyes, long wavy brown/red hair. Most striking - long wavy red hair.

Personality  • Underdog • She's been told her whole life, that she has an anger issue and to watch out or she will end up just like her mother. • She has developed several tics to help herself calm down and hold her temper. • The long odds are demonstrated in how she has felt that 'fate' has worked against her, her whole life. She barely remembers a time of being truly happy. She doubts everything, verifies everything and trusts no one. • Vulnerability Doubting. She thought for almost 4 years that her mother killed herself because of her. Kerri found out by finding her mothers suicide note, that in fact Ruth killed herself because of her father.

Occupation • Student • NWU - Masters in Psychology • Duel Bachelors in Psychology and Computer Programing

Habits/Mannerisms 1. Picks at her finger nail edges and creates bloody little she picking at her thumb with her hide finger hail mindlessly the forefinger and hail and scraping at a lift of skin and creates a hang hail and bring above cuticle ah then fingers starts bleeding, dried blood around edge of her nail. Cause a) anxiety b)habit c)spacing out d)tic 2)hair twirling Copyright 2024 Denise Lee Author, All Rights Reserved. Not for Distribution. 3)standing like a crane, the foot perched oh top of the other, by the toe heal against shin and toe pressed down onto top of other foot. stretch shoulders back and pop back 4)jaw clacking creating a chomping sound, frustration, loudness depends on severity of the moment, perturbed by someone else and can't say anything then its very loud. 5) zoning out 6) forgetting what she is saying while saying it 7) bad with names 8) verbal dyslexia 9)rock back and forth on toes 10) when interrupted, will forget what she was saying

Background 1992 Kerri Bloodstone Born 1999 David Hires Mike Carr, newly widowed and moves into Winery cottage, with son Allen. 1999 Kerri (7) meets Allen (9) 2010 May Ruth Bloodstone kills herself, Kerri (16) 2010 Decem ber Kerri (16) graduates and leaves Minnesota 2010 May Kerri attends NWU; 2014 May Kerri gets masters in psychology 2014 May 16 Autopsy Kerri notified 2014 May 17 Kerri arrives home, falls off bluff 2014 May 18 Allen carries Kerri to BH and M calls EMT Copyright 2024 Denise Lee Author, All Rights Reserved. Not for Distribution. Lead's Key Years, Enriched 2010 (Age 16) - Mother Suicide 2010 (Age 16) - Graduated High school.

What’s going on? On January 12, 2010, a 7.0 magnitude earthquake devastates Haiti, killing more than 230,000 and destroying the nation's infrastructure. On January 27, 2010, Apple Computer unveils the iPad tablet computer. Colin Firth as King George VI in The King's Speech Christian Bale as Dickie Eklund in The Fighter Kerri loves movies about overcoming the odds. Personal success stories.

Internal Conflicts Suicidal Thoughts Kerri is occasionally blinded by rage. She suffered from this as a child and feared that it is what caused her mother to kill herself. She blamed herself for her mothers death until she discovered the suicide note from her mother in 2014 May 21 Reading of the will Kerri receives Bloodstone Molly tells Kerri about her engagement 2014 May 22 Kerri meets Allen in coffee shop while he waits for news from Dr. 2014 May 23 Kerri in Attic Skyler Arrives Decision made to stay 2014 May 25 Kerri sitting at her dad’s desk to talk to him about decision to stay Kerri in Winery discovers Bloodstone warmer Kerri dream of parents 2014 May 26 Kerri walking in gardens Copyright 2024 Denise Lee Author, All Rights Reserved. Not for Distribution. her Dad's things when searching for liquor cabinet key. She severed her relationship with her Dad and left as soon as she graduated high school. She is faced with the suicide of her father, almost 10 years to the day following her mothers. She feels she has nothing left, no life, no friends, no family, no hope. She blames herself. She just wants to end it, but life, friends, family and then finally hope, stops her from ending it all.

External Conflicts Accident Prone Losing Time

Death Stakes Physical death, as her Uncle is trying to keep control of the family business that he has spent over a decade plotting and killing to get and keep

Notes Lead's Fears Hospitals Spiders Water Losing Rejection Judgement Things in hair Cob webs Lead's Yearnings Love Acceptance Success Family Warm Cuddle Soft

Character’s Voice I remember the first time I woke up without my mother. Our housekeeper, Molly brought me a cup of coco. It was the day we had to plan my mothers funeral. I was 12, my Dad was a basket case. Molly left the cup on the nightstand and encouraged me to get up and dress warm. I took the longest walk of my life down the huge staircase that used to bring me such joy, I liked sliding down the banister. We sat in the kitchen, Molly and I, while we made lists. I used my Mom's Christmas card list. Who else needs to know when you die? Why do I feel so empty? Why didn't she leave a note? How did I not see that she was sad? Was it my fault? Yes, that's it, it was my fault. I didn't study hard enough, or my chores, was it my chores? Did I disappoint her? She killed herself because of me. It makes me so mad when someone assumes they know what's going on in my head. I guess I have what's called a RBF, Resting B**** Face. People always assume I am mad. My face, when relaxed, must look pissed. I am not going to swear a lot because ladies don't swear. But holy moly, how am I supposed to talk when I am angry without the occasional f-bomb? It's so common in today's society, but I don't use it in my head, when I talk to myself. So why would I say it when Im being featured in a book. Why am I being featured? What is so special about me? Why would anyone want to read about me? Now, Skylar, she's amazing. She is so poised and smart, she should be featured in a book. My philosophy of life? Why would anyone want to know about my philosophy of life? I am not important to life, I am just trying to get through it. My Mom killed herself, because of my Dad. I thought it was because of me until I found the note she left him. Well, maybe it was still a little about me, but the note was about him. She was horribly disappointed in him. He no longer pleased her. I remember being so confused by this. Now I know she must have been referring to erectile disfunction. I took the note and burned it. But I burned her last words into my mind forever. “Today is as good a day to die as any.”

​Copyright 2024 Denise Lee Author, All Rights Reserved. Not for Distribution.